Internet Porn

The internet and porn it seems almost goes hand in hand(pardon the pun). I've got to admit I've been tempted by the darker side of web almost since the beginning of my surfing days. I've downloaded countless pictures, movies and surfed until the my antivirus software would go off telling me I've strayed too far again.

My wife has been somewhat tolerant at times and even joked about it at times. Tonight we had one of those serious talks again and sure enough it was in the mix of things. She'd rather I'd not of course. She feels like she's just being compared to the other girls and doesn't feel special. It's obvious that I haven't done my share of reassuring her that she is the one I truly desire. How can I defend surfing for porn? I don't even try and justify it anymore because any attempt to do so is a weak argument. On a moral standpoint it's sort of coveting thy neighbors wife so to speak. Stephen Covey(7 Habits of Highly Effective People) says that it "can breed an inner darkness that numbs our higher sensibilities". In short she's not happy about it and would rather I'd not look at it. It's difficult at times for a number of reasons. One it's sort of human nature. I enjoy looking at women. It's not that I physically or emotionally desire to actually be with them in any way. In that way I'm committed to my wife completely without question but, in my wife's heart it's the same as cheating on her(or pretty darn close). Which those feelings don't help our already struggling intimate life as you might imagine.

Well after our talk tonight I couldn't sleep very much. Perhaps it's a twinge of guilt or just feeling depressed about it all. I came on the computer and decided to do what I can to delete what porn I did have and throw out what I had on CD's and such. It may seem useless because I already know where to find it again and I've been down this road before. How am I to reassure her that she's the only one for me? I'm pretty sure that's what she's looking for. The feeling of her being special in my heart. I've done this before with no better result and it just seems to come back in a circle. What can I do that's different?